Fashion Faux Pas

~700 words :: Jason Isaacs/Liam Neeson/William Fichtner :: 2/4/05
Jason vows revenge after finding that Bill is copying his wardrobe.

Jason never wore the same outfit twice, and he’d rather die than be caught wearing the same thing as someone else.

Which was why the whole debacle with Bill was so-

“Humiliating, Liam! Bill, of all people!”

“Just calm down,” Liam said, grabbing Jason’s arms and pinning them to his sides. “It was a black suit with a blue shirt. Not exactly unique.”

“He has no taste! This has…this has, I don’t know, made me question my whole identity.”

“Look, it’s obvious he’s finally taking your advice. Isn’t that a good thing?”

Jason agreed, grudgingly, that it might be.

“Jason, I don’t want to hear it.” Liam held his hands up.

“But he-”

“I know. I was there.”

“It’s not a coincidence this time. It was lavender! The exact same colour! The frills, the cufflinks. I even checked the label,” Jason hissed. “Identical!”

“You checked the…?”


“The one in the back of his…?”

Jason nodded.


It had involved grabbing Bill in the toilets and putting him in a headlock. Jason thought it was probably better to leave that part out. “I asked,” he said, not looking at Liam. “Politely.”

Liam didn’t look like he was buying it.

Bill was there at every party and every industry function. He was at the theatre and charity events. Bill was there at the next table when Jason and Liam just wanted a quiet dinner out. Jason wondered when he’d moved to London and why he wouldn’t go back to the States.

Jason’s outfits became increasingly flamboyant, and each time Bill was wearing the same thing. To make matters worse, he somehow always managed to show up first, so that it looked like Jason was copying him. Everyone complimented Bill; Jason, they just looked at pityingly.

Something had to be done.

“He’s spying on us somehow,” Jason insisted. Liam looked unconvinced.

Holding up his newest purchase, Jason thrust it in Liam’s face. “Are you telling me we both just happened to show up at the Ivy on the same night and the same time, both wearing a pink velour jacket?” His voice rose, taking on an edge of hysteria. “I don’t think so!”

Liam took the jacket from his hands, calmly straightened it on its hanger, and put it back in the wardrobe. “I admit, it certainly is an amazing coincidence.”

Fuming, Jason flounced out of the room. “Coincidence, my arse.”

Liam had refused to help him turn the house upside down, so Jason was having to do it himself. The bedroom and bathroom seemed the most likely places for a hidden mic or camera, and sure enough, after hours of careful searching, he returned triumphant to the sitting room.

“Look at this!” he crowed, dropping no less than three microphones and five miniscule cameras onto Liam’s lap. “I told you! I told you he’s been spying on us!” Jason ground his teeth. “That little bastard. I’ll show him.”

Liam looked a bit put out at having his nightly reading disturbed.

“…Tricked me!” Bill’s eyes bulged.

“You…started it,” Jason wheezed. It was hard to talk with Bill’s hands around his throat, but quite satisfying to see Bill having just as much trouble. Not to mention the fact that while Jason was wearing a stylish black suit, Bill was wearing green leather trousers and a feather-covered jacket. Very satisfying, that.

Looking back, Jason was never quite sure how it happened. One minute they were strangling each other and then the next thing he knew, his hand was inside Bill’s hideous trousers and Bill was kissing him like there was no tomorrow.


“So what?”

“Did you settle things?” Liam asked mildly.

“Sort of…”

Liam raised his eyebrows.

“He’s coming back home with us after dinner.”

“About bloody time,” Liam muttered as Jason gaped at him. “I thought I was going to have to lock you two in a room together myself.”