Backstreet Vamps

~1300 words :: Vampire Chronicles :: Louis/Lestat :: 4/15/02
Lestat decides to revive his career by forming a boyband, but it won’t be easy to sell the others on the idea.


I was bored, and as I’m sure you all know, a bored Lestat is never a good thing. And the others, well if they didn’t know, they were sure going to find out. I would just have a little fun with them, keep myself entertained.

Now when I was in the band it certainly wasn’t boring. Recording sessions, filming music videos, photo shoots, magazine interviews. Everyone was interested in Lestat, just the way things should be.

Ah, but so many years had passed now. I wondered what happened to Alex and Tough Cookie and everyone. Did they wonder what had happened to me? I couldn’t get the old band back together again, no that’d never work, but what about a new band?

I mean, I still had the connections, right? That old ’80s rock wouldn’t do, so I flipped on MTV and what do you know, they were actually playing videos! Why I remember the days when they played nothing but music, but alas, those days are long gone… Oh right, my point. So what did I see on the screen, but a bunch of boys prancing around and singing. The Backstreet Boys, they were called. Whatever that’s supposed to mean.

That’s when I knew what I had to do, and I knew exactly whom I needed to do it. Louis was already here at Rue Royale, of course. Probably reading or some such nonsense. David… David was off somewhere traveling. Almost certainly with Marius. Okay, well I would see if I could get a hold of Marius then.

Yes, there he was! And nearby, too! Why, he was back here in New Orleans. But why hadn’t he come by to visit, then? The lout. And he called himself a friend, a father figure. Well, what kind of father comes back into town and doesn’t let his son know about it!

I was just about to yell at him telepathically when I caught a glimpse of his thoughts. He wasn’t shielding, was too busy doing other things. To David. Ugh, I didn’t need to see that.

Well, so much for them. I would call later now that I knew where they were. So the next thing I did was look for Armand and Daniel. Night Island, most likely. But it seems I was interrupting something there, too. Well damn. Everyone was having sex but me! This would never do.

So I wandered around the house until I finally found Louis. I grabbed his book away and tossed it across the room, then tossed Louis himself over my shoulder and headed for the bedroom. He whined for a minute about how interesting his book was, but he shut up pretty fast once I had him on the bed. I mean, Louis may love reading, but even he has some sense. Books are one thing, but they’re nothing compared to a night of hot, steamy sex with the one and only Vampire Lestat.

Oh, my point again. Right. So the next day, I finally got a hold of Armand, Danny, Marius, and David, and called them all over to talk. They had no idea what was in store for them. Louis didn’t either, the poor guy. Well, I’d make my announcement to them when they were all together.

“You want to what!?” That was Louis. He was practically screeching, really not a good sound for him, no.

Patiently, I explained it to him again. “I want us to form a boy band. You know, like Backstreet Boys or N’Sync.” But I could see by the looks on their faces that they didn’t know. Good thing I had all these videos to demonstrate.

“Look, I was thinking how great it would be to get back into the music industry. But that whole ’80s glam rock thing is just not popular anymore. What is popular is boy bands. And you don’t really have to be that talented either. There’s usually just one or two who sing, and the rest just dance and try to look good. How hard can it be?” They still looked blank. Obviously more convincing was in order.

I popped in a tape. “Just watch.” And they were mesmerized as boy band after boy band danced and sang their way across the screen.

“But I can’t even tell which band is which or where one song ends and the next begins!” Armand exclaimed. “Not only that, but none of the guys are cute!”

“That,” I replied confidently, “is exactly why we’ll stand out so well! Look around you! Have you ever seen a group of better looking guys? I think not.” And they looked around and couldn’t help but agree.

“Well…” Louis started, “I have to agree with you there. But, Lestat, this is madness. I can’t speak for the others, but I for one will not make a fool of myself like that!”

“But you wouldn’t be making a fool of yourself, cher! You’d look beautiful! Why, you could be the pretty one.” He perked up at that, oh yes; a little flattery could go a long way with my Louis. He likes to hear me say how beautiful he is, not that he’d ever admit to it, though.

“And Armand, you can be the young one!” He scowled at me, but I kept going. “And David can be the multi-cultural one.” He looked a bit surprised at that, still tended to think of himself as English, despite his new body. “You know, it’s very trendy to have a multi-cultural look for your band.”

Then I was stuck for a moment, what about Danny and Marius. Then it hit me. Perfect. “Danny, you can be the goofy one, and Marius, you can be the old one!”

Uh-oh, that didn’t sit so well. “Old one!?”

“And what about you, Lestat?” Louis asked curiously.

“Me?” I just smiled. “I’m the bad boy, of course.” And they all just rolled their eyes.

“Now come on, you know this’ll be fun!” But they still needed convincing, so I pretended to be generous while I gave myself time to come up with a plan. “Why don’t you all go home and think it over, hmm?” Magnanimous, that’s me.

But once everyone had left, Louis came over and put his arms around me. Ooh, I liked where this was going!

“Lestat, what’s brought on this sudden obsession with boy bands? Have I been neglecting you?” Oh, even better! Poor Louis looked so concerned, so loving, so God damn hot! Why this was even better than some stupid band.

“Yeah, Louis,” I said in my most sincere voice, “I have been feeling neglected. You spend so much time with your books, so little time with me. And everyone else is busy with their own lives…” Well, it was true, pretty much. If Louis had been paying more attention to me, I wouldn’t have gotten bored in the first place.

“So you won’t make us go through with this then? I’ll spend more time with you…” he gave me a suggestive look, raking his eyes up and down my body, “starting now, if you like?”

That did it. I had some sense, too. Boy bands are one thing, but they’re nothing compared to a night (or two, or three, or four, or…well, you get the picture) of hot, steamy sex with the one and only Louis de Pointe du Lac.

What? Oh, you were expecting a real point? Come on, this is the Vampire Lestat you’re talking about, after all.


Read the sequel: Backstreet’s Back Alright.